Texts from Rise of the Guardians

RSS
(989):The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..

(989):

The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..

(251):And I’m bringing my coffee cup of wine.

(251):

And I’m bringing my coffee cup of wine.

(419):please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation

(419):

please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation

(201):If it’s any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons

(201):

If it’s any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons

(563):Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.

(563):

Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.

(863):The porch is breathing.(813):STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT

(863):

The porch is breathing.

(813):

STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT

(919):I’m so hungover I can’t taste anything

(919):

I’m so hungover I can’t taste anything

(303):So how’d the job interview go?(1-303):well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward

(303):

So how’d the job interview go?

(1-303):

well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward

(413):Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!(860):You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.

(413):

Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!

(860):

You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.

(256):Haha, how do I word that nicely? “You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision”

(256):

Haha, how do I word that nicely? “You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision”