Texts from Rise of the Guardians

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(715):you traded sex for a burrito?

(715):

you traded sex for a burrito?

(931):Geez don’t go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.

(931):

Geez don’t go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.

(248):this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.

(248):

this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.

(206):I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine ‘sink in’. I don’t think that’s how it works

(206):

I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine ‘sink in’. I don’t think that’s how it works

(248):Just so we’re clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word “dick-thumpin” in casual conversation.

(248):

Just so we’re clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word “dick-thumpin” in casual conversation.

(302):I don’t get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?

(302):

I don’t get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?

(248):Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn’t really happen. Please.

(248):

Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn’t really happen. Please.

(+35):I just look at my butt and see so much potential.

(+35):

I just look at my butt and see so much potential.

(647):you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said ‘I wouldn’t show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world’

(647):

you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said ‘I wouldn’t show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world’

(856):FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

(856):

FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!